Humour

Confusing categories at record stores

nobody@vox.com(Jack Yan) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 02:44:01 -0800

Ever wandered into a music or video store here and there are sections marked ‘A–Z’, ‘New Zealand’ and ‘Foreign’?
   The biggest section is the first one, and often we have the smallest section.
   Think about it though: shouldn’t everything not in ‘New Zealand’ be under ‘Foreign’?
   The other one I get a kick out of is ‘World’, which Borders uses. Shouldn’t everything be under ‘World’? I mean, if you have this category, there is no need to have any others.

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Giant Seagull

nobody@vox.com(marina) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 07:52:06 -0700

Giant seagull strolls behind newsreader

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My name is Clouseau, Jacques Clouseau

nobody@vox.com(Jack Yan) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 02:33:06 -0700

Before Steve Martin, Roger Moore, not Peter Sellers, was the last person to play Chief Insp Jacques Clouseau.

Roger Moore Curse of the Pink Panther

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Did City Life get it right this time?

nobody@vox.com(Jack Yan) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:00:16 -0700

Remember last year when I took the mickey out of these in the City Life newspaper?

City Life newspaper typo at top of page

CityLife newspaper typos

The first one is obvious: Melbourne is misspelt. The second one is also obvious: Circle is misspelt, there’s a missing apostrophe for the possessive, and capitalizing a definite article is technically incorrect. I remember we had a bit of fun with this as they were in huge letters, the former across the top of a tabloid-sized page.
The question one has to pose is: did they get it right in 2009? Let’s see:

City Life—Melbourne Cup 2009 header

Well, that’s a good start. Someone hired a proofreader at long last. Or turned the spellcheck on.
Let’s see how the second one went:

City Life—Winners’ Circle 2009

One fewer error, but still two to go. Note the prize money has reduced to a recessionary $150 this time around. The text, which also has a few issues (based around consistency of English usage), remains the same as last year.
Any bets on the 2010 edition? Will the apostrophe for Winners’ be there? Or is there only one winner, in which case it’s Winner’s? I remain none the wiser.

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Advice from the local constabulary

nobody@vox.com(Jack Yan) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:20:48 -0700

I saw a bit of this on telly, but didn’t expect it to be passed around the internet as much. Background: ‘Safer communities together’ is the local slogan for the police, much like ‘To protect and serve’ for some American police departments.

You Must Always Blow On The Pie

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Little Britain meets Dame Edna

nobody@vox.com(Jack Yan) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 02:43:19 -0700

There are numerous clips of Little Britain Down Under on YouTube, but David and Matt meeting Dame Edna has to be a highlight (from 3.28).

Little Britain Down Under (Part 2)

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Agent ‘Mitzi’ Smith v. ‘Uncle Joe’ Stalin

nobody@vox.com(Jack Yan) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:44:07 -0700

Then Hugo said you go

I’m not sure how my friend Pearl came up with the scenario of Agent Smith from The Matrix (shown at left in one of his many guises—I think this was the scene where he battled Neo in a gay bar, before one of his stilettos broke) battling Joseph Stalin, but I took her lead:

   Smith: Mr Stalin.
   Stalin: Who are you? How did you get in to the Kremlin?
   Smith: It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you’re not actually mammals.
   Stalin: Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed.
   Smith: You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area.
   Stalin: Everyone imposes his own system as far as his army can reach.
   Smith: There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You’re a plague and we are the cure.
   Stalin: Death is the solution to all problems. No man, no problem.

As Agent Smith contemplates Stalin’s response, a Soviet Red Guard shoots Smith in the back with an AK-47. As Smith appears to die, Joseph Stalin turns into Agent Smith.
Agent Smith 1, Soviet Union 0.

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Hong Kong retro ﬁlm moment: from Dick Emery to 最佳拍檔

nobody@vox.com(Jack Yan) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:01:04 -0700

The stories are different enough that one could not accuse the Hong Kong ﬁlm-makers of outright copying, but there is clear inspiration between the English Ooh, You Are Awful (or Get Charlie Tully), starring Dick Emery, and the ﬁrst of the successful franchise 最佳拍檔 (Aces Go Places). The ﬁlms are 10 years apart.
   The plot lines are similar: in the original, Emery has to ﬁnd a Swiss bank account number, separately tattooed on four different girls’ behinds. In the later ﬁlm, Sam Hui (the father of Canto-pop) and Karl Maka’s characters have to ﬁnd a map reference, tattooed on two different girls’ behinds. The following is of two very similar scenes, one set at Waterloo Station in London, the other at a taxi company’s radio department, and subsequent scenes involving photographic booths, where one might be able to claim there was a fair amount of direct copying. Emery is more blue, while the later ﬁlm is more slapstick with better pacing.
   And yes, that is the lovely Cheryl Kennedy in the ﬁrst clip.
   In the 1970s and 1980s, it was highly unlikely for Hong Kong cinemagoers to have seen the Emery ﬁlm.
   Head to 2.45 for the above scene in the ﬁrst video; 0.43 in the second clip.

Dick Emery Ooh you Are Awful But I Like You part 2

Aces go places part 7

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Cosying up to the head of state

nobody@vox.com(Jack Yan) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 04:57:37 -0700

Carla Bruni on the cover of Point de Vue

The Nobel Prize committee likes that President Obama is warm. Over in France, Carla Bruni likes that presidents are cosy.
Thanks to Michelle Kleinsmith for inspiring this post.

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Darth Vader has a nervous breakdown

nobody@vox.com(Jack Yan) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:38:19 -0700

I can’t recall if I posted this before, but I still find it hilarious. The plot: Darth Vader is torn between good and evil and an incestuous love affair, and suffers a nervous breakdown. The scenes are from Star Wars, of course, while the dialogue is by James Earl Jones—just not from this film. And who knew Darth was such a Billy Joel fan?

Vader Sessions

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